2013

2013 was a strange year for me.... the common thread has been people, friends, family moving away. Some an hour way, others across the country.

2013 was a groundbreaking year for me... I discovered more about myself than I thought possible. I am more tenacious, courageous and steady than I thought I was.

2013 was a good year for me... I tried new things. I started writing again. I started taking improv classes. I met some amazing people in the process.

2013 was a challenging year for me... I got in a car accident, and it changed my perspective on life in more ways than I thought.

2013 was a slow year for me... I still feel stuck in some areas of my life, but I am finally started to see the reason why, which is a good first step, right?

2013 was an exciting year for me. I drove cross country to California to help my brother move. I met and hugged Minnie Mouse in Disney World. I set foot on the SNL studio set in New York city.

2013 was simply paving the way for the amazing things to come in 2014.

I already have a theme song picked out for this new season. It is called: "I lived" by One Republic.

Merry Christmas, reader, and if I do not see you until then... Have a great 2014!!!

eed

Precious scent

When I was younger, (and to this day, really...), my father used to travel a lot for work. He would be gone for days, or sometimes weeks at a time, and as a little girl I would miss him, but did not know how to express it. (Fun fact: we are not the most expressive family. I am 32 years old, and I have yet to hear my father tell me he loves me... and vice versa...).

As a teenager, his absence meant that I could break curfew with my mom either not knowing (which I highly doubt..) or pretending that she did not know what I was up to (which is the more plausible option). Either way, the sadness of his absence was replaced by the thrill of youthful adventure, and other shall we say.. "disagreements"...

One thing I could always count on every time he traveled was that he always came back bearing gifts: which always included a bottle of high end perfume from the duty free shop at the airport. Over the years, he has made some great choices for me. Perfumes my mother coveted when I was younger, perfumes that fit my personality and fashion sense in my teen years, and perfumes he felt represented my steps into adulthood. 

I was looking at my collection of bottles earlier today, and wondered what each one of them meant. Sure, the monetary value is a factor (please, don't rob me...), but the message through each bottle is more than I care to admit. I know my father loves me, but the precious scent of each bottle of perfume is a love letter to me. 

We may have our differences, our fights, our months of silence, but in the end... he loves me, and I love him.

eed

LoVE

A word of advice before you start reading this post: I am the last person you want to hear any love advice from.... for several reasons, I don't think I want to get into. (If you know me, go ahead and ask me the next time you see me!). I will try however to share what I have learned about love, from either observation/personal experience:


As a kid/teenager, my views of loves were influenced by :

1) My parents's marriage...
2) My godmother's influence on my life: who often said: "Do not EVER depend on a man for happiness"
3) Beverly Hills 90201 (yes, the original!): two words: LUKE PERRY

In my early 20's my views of love were influenced by:

1) My new found freedom away from home
2) A very cynical view of the world, and men in general
3): Melrose Place (yes, the original!): more random hook ups by people in their mid twenties

In my mid to late 20's, my views of love were influenced by:

1) My own heartbreak
2) "Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind" on repeat
3) Beyonce!

In my late 20's, my views of love were influenced by:

1) Beyonce- part 2!
2) My godmother's disconcerting/devastating words after she re-married: "When are YOU going to get married?"
3) A long time of self discovery, soul searching and reflection....

In this new decade of my life, the most beautiful image of love is best described by the look of excitement and happiness on Mama F's face when she told me that her husband had just bought her "50 lbs of sand".

And there you have it!...I tried to warn you you.... I am not the best when it comes to love...

What I DO know, is that love is more than a feeling. Love is more than a moment, more than an emotion. Love has a sustaining power that transcends time, space and flaws. It takes many forms, and often disguises itself, but it always, ALWAYS, reveals itself in action.

On this note, have a great Thanksgiving, dear reader. I am thankful for YOU, wherever you are!

eed,

The bubble

I love my bubble.

Especially on cold Ohio days, like the ones we have had the past few days. My bubble keeps me safe, it keeps me warm, but most of all it keeps my heart out of harm's way. I am not just talking cheesy, lovey dovey stuff, but also relationships with friends, co workers, bosses...you name it. I hate getting hurt. But really who doesn't?

Over time I have created this nice little blue bubble, that can be visible to a few. One of my close friends, reminded me the other day that it took my 3 years to even speak to her. (So sorry about that!). I told her she should feel extremely lucky, as my average is typically 5 to 6 years into the bubble. Haha! Of course, there are exceptions... Sometimes you just meet a person and feel like they have been a part of your life forever... I have to be honest, these people both scare me, and bring joy in my life.

One of my favorite childhood cartoons called: "Clementine". tells the story of a little girl (named Clementine), who travel through space and time in her blue bubble. It was not until I was older that I realized that she had no option but to dream/ live her world from her bubble. She  was paralyzed after being involved in a plane accident, and her guardian angel (sort of), Elmira, would take her on amazing adventures to 1) lift her spirits 2) to help her escape her arch nemesis, Malmotte. When I started reading up on Clementine as an adult, it dawned on me that she needed the bubble to get out IN the world, not to escape it. Without her bubble, she was confined to the four walls of her bedroom, and would have to miss out on the beauty (and dangers) of the world. Throughout her adventures, she faces multiple encounters with her nemesis' minions, until she finally gets brave enough to confront him.

The truth is, my bubble has been shrinking and I did not realize it until recently. I find that I do not feel to the need to carry it with me everywhere I go. The best part about it is that I cannot recall when I made a conscious decision to let go, it just kind of happened. Sure, I sometimes feel the need to pull it out of retirement, it is not a constant presence anymore. 

And for that, I am happy.

EED

The race

I really should be sleeping right now, but I cannot seem to shut my mind off. I could not figure out why until I typed the title of this post: the race. 

I signed up for another half marathon a few months ago, and I was supposed to race in a few hours. Sadly, due to unforeseen circumstances earlier this summer, I had to stop my training and running  for a little while. One may think that you can pick up where you left off after not running for a few months, but that certainly was not the case for me. The endurance it takes to run 13.1 miles is something I had to work hard to build, only to lose it all in a matter of weeks. 

I find that running the second mile of a race is always painful for me. The first mile feels great, the adrenaline is pumping, the people are excited, the music is upbeat, and the volunteers are always ALWAYS overly enthusiastic. By mile 2.2 or so, my body seems to slow down, as if to say "What in the world do you think you are doing?" This is true whether I am running 3 or 10 miles. 

In many ways, I feel I have hit that 2.2 mile slowdown. I know in the back of my mind I just need to keep going, because by mile 3, the excitement, energy and sense of accomplishment almost always return. Still I cannot help but wanting to stop, and sit on the side of the road. For all I know, my laces are untied and I need to make sure they are up for the race ahead. Yup, maybe that's all it is. I need a quick break to make sure I have everything I need. There is nothing worse than being unprepared for a long run, especially on a hot summer day...

Mile 3, here I come!

eed

I write because

I write because when I say "quilt" I sometime say "kilt" instead

I write because words are more beautiful when they stare back at me

I write becaue my voice can sometimes get lost in the loudness

I write because my thoughts have a life of their own

I write because it is hard for me to say "I love you"

I write because I have no other option

I write because words swirl constantly in my brain

I write because I can

I write because it helps me connect with you

I write because I want to be heard

I write because I have a story to tell

I write because.... 

eed

27+ 5 = Blessed

This is a follow up to a self indulgent post I wrote five years ago called "27".  Go ahead, click on the link and read it. It is really short, I promise! I will still be here sipping on  my coffee when you get back...

Done? Good! It just felt right to write an update, and remind myself of what has happened over the past 5 years. I am officially 32 today, and I am pretty sure that still counts as "early thirties", so I won't sweat the number. And now to the actual post:

Experiences? YES! I  would not  know where to start or end, but it has been quite the interesting journey. 

Hurts? YES. Healing? YES! I realized at some point, that life was about perspective and how I chose to look at different situations. I decided to finally leave the past behind, and march ahead.

Single? YES. Dating is hard for introverts, what can I say??? 

Still want to see the Grand Canyon? YES. When? I made it out there 1 year or 2 after writing this post, and it was even more beautiful than I imagined!

Stronger? YES! 

Feeling incredibly blessed,

EED