The past several years have been good to me.
I have learned more about myself in the past couple of years than I have in my entire twenties. Somewhere along the way, I feel like I have lost something crucial and I could not put my finger on it for a long time. It was not until I stopped making excuses for myself, that I realized what was missing: it was joy. Don't get me wrong, I feel pretty happy with my life, and the wonderful people and things that fill it. I have encountered my share of amazing people and have experienced more things than a lot of people can only dream about. But I feel like my joy has left or to be exact, it has morphed into an overwhelming feeling of contentment.
Contentment, a by product of gratefulness, is a feeling that tends to linger a little too long in my life. I realize that many live long lives without getting a sense of contentment; and then there are those of us who wallow in it too long. Contentment has become a crutch for me. A crutch that gives me permission to seek out and thoroughly enjoy the status quo. There is safety in knowing what to expect the next day, there is safety in knowing which events to plan for ahead of time, there is safety in knowing that your life is moving along at its own steady pace with the occasional turbulence.
I love storms. But mostly from the safety of my home, preferably by a window, with a a good book. In fact, it is storming as I type this words, and I am about to brew a cup of tea. I got caught in the rain today, for the first time in a long time. And I am not talking about a light drizzle; I am talking heavy rain, strong winds, thunder, lightning, and a mile back to my car. As my friend's son and I made it back to the car, he shared his laughter with me. His voice guided me through the rain, because I could barely lift my head while the rain whipped my face. It felt exhilarating! We made it back to our car's completely drenched, but the joy I felt he recounted our race to his mother is what I know is missing in my life.
In the end, I guess it is less about my daily tasks, routine and habits than it is about the attitude I have towards each. It is less chasing a fleeting sensation, than it is about cherishing precious moments. I am leaving contentment in the backseat, at least for a long while, and going back to chasing joy, wherever it may be!
And when everything else fails, sightings of dogs (preferably puppies) peeking out of car windows is ALWAYS the best way to get a fresh dose of joy.
eed
