27+ 5 = Blessed

This is a follow up to a self indulgent post I wrote five years ago called "27".  Go ahead, click on the link and read it. It is really short, I promise! I will still be here sipping on  my coffee when you get back...

Done? Good! It just felt right to write an update, and remind myself of what has happened over the past 5 years. I am officially 32 today, and I am pretty sure that still counts as "early thirties", so I won't sweat the number. And now to the actual post:

Experiences? YES! I  would not  know where to start or end, but it has been quite the interesting journey. 

Hurts? YES. Healing? YES! I realized at some point, that life was about perspective and how I chose to look at different situations. I decided to finally leave the past behind, and march ahead.

Single? YES. Dating is hard for introverts, what can I say??? 

Still want to see the Grand Canyon? YES. When? I made it out there 1 year or 2 after writing this post, and it was even more beautiful than I imagined!

Stronger? YES! 

Feeling incredibly blessed,

EED

The song

A few months ago, I read a fun, quick book by Neil Gaiman called "The Anansi Boys". It is a great entertaining gem, a sort of fairy tales for adults; and by now you know my penchant for tales. The main character, Fat Charlie Nancy, struggles throughout the book to find "his song". We learn very early that he is a talented (but painfully self aware) singer, with a boring, predictable life. Throughout his journey from England, to Florida, and the Caribbeans, he finally finds his voice, his song, his purpose. Well, to call it his purpose would be too restrictive really...

I have known for a very long time, that we all have a song or two we carry in our hearts. I like to think that my song shines through everything I say and do. I would not call quite call myself an artist, but I am very touched by people who can express their songs through tangible objects of art. That is why I love art in many forms. Painters, potters, singers, drummers, writers, lawyers, mothers, wives, they all have something in common that may not look obvious to the naked eye. They all sing their songs in unison. 

In case you are curious, I believe my song is soft spoken and gentle. It booms at the most unexpected moments, but only to signal a change in the beat. It often surprises, and gets the "I didn't know you could do this" comment. My song commands and even dictates spontaneous and erratic dancing! It gets you off your chair and on your feet in a effort to keep up with its beat. I am still working on more verses, but I have a feeling they will write themselves quite easily...

My favorite part of singing my song, is knowing that I am a minuscule part of the story. Knowing that each one of you also gets to sing their song, as quietly or as loud as they can. Knowing that we get to sing together, even though we are separated by oceans (Hello Emi-chan!!!). My favorite parts of "The Anansi boys" were hearing other characters' sharing their songs with the reader. 

Some songs are shorter than others, some are complex, but once you find it, you cannot help but sing it. So, sing it loud, friends!

EED

My friend Annie

My friend Annie told me today that she is moving. Sure, she is only moving an hour and fifteen minutes away, but five minutes feel like an eternity when all I have to do is turn my chair around whenever I want to share a moment with her. I was trying hard not to cry when she made the announcement, but it was really hard to hold back the tears.

Annie is a friend, a sister, a mother figure, and an inspiration to me. I look at her, and I know that the work day will just be a-OK as long as we have each other. She believes in me, and tells me that I am up to great things... She makes me believe in myself, even at times when it is hard to think through the day. She sometimes has to give me a kick in the behind when I am too hard on myself, and I love her even more on those days. Not many people can be truthful when faced with difficult decisions, but she always says it like it is. 

She likes to ask me rhetorical questions I have no answer to, which used to drive me nuts, but now make me smile. She calls me "Jerk" , because deep down she really loves me. She makes me pull pranks on people, and I proudly call myself her minion. She makes me laugh with her sometimes unintended jokes. 

I am not quite sure what I will do once she leaves town... To be honest, I am not sure I am ready to think about it, so maybe I won't, at least for now...

Slow and steady- Part 2

I have always loved listening to tales, myths and other stories. On Sunday evenings, my father would roast peanuts on a small charcoal burning stove, while my siblings and I gathered around and listened to him tell stories. He would tell different stories every time, some from his childhood, some ghost stories, but my favorite ones were a West African version of Aesop's fables.

"The tortoise and the hare", while not being my favorite fable/parable, is the one I usually identify to the most... In case you do not know much about it, here is a simplified version: the tortoise challenges the hare to a race, and the hare is so confident in his speed and ability to win that, he accepts and even gives the tortoise a good head start (which the tortoise declines). Depending on the region you live in, the version is different, but the tortoise always wins in the end: through either trickery, gimmick, or cheating. I like to think that the tortoise won because she knew how to pace herself to get to the finish line. She knew that we all eventually get to the same destination and kept going one step at a time... slow and steady.

Growing up, I have always been a hare, running everywhere, trying to win some invisible race no matter what the cost. I remember having to stop at a traffic light one day, and a neighbor asking me "Where are you running to? You are always running..." I took after as soon as the light turned green, but those words have been in the back of  my mind ever since. 

It has taken me a while to learn to take slowly. In fact, I don't think I really had a choice in the matter: everything in my life suddenly slowed down through a series of peculiar (yet timely) circumstances. Of course, my first (second, third and...) reaction was to try to make things happen and move at a pace that I believed  would be acceptable. It wasn't until I realized that I was in fact enjoying the ride, that things finally turned around. Steadiness and quiet determination finally took over, and my need to run slowly but surely subsided. 

I have to say, I quite enjoy this new pace. I may not reach the finish line as quickly, or as gracefully as I picture it in my head, but I will make it... in time...

Here is to the meantime!

eed

Slow and steady- Part 1

If I had to describe myself in 10 words or less, these two words would definitely make the top 5: slow and steady... I am pretty sure the song below captured the essence for what it means to be slow and steady.

Part 2 COMING SOON IN A BLOG NEAR YOU. In the meantime, enjoy...




EED

Smile

Dear reader,

If you happen to know me in real life, you may have noticed that I like to smile... quite a lot! I don't laugh very often or often enough, but i do like to smile. Although, I will let you in on a little secret: if I smile and you can barely see my teeth, it really means that I am having a rather bad day. If you do happen to catch me on one of those days, come up with a joke or something and try to make me laugh. Thanks in advance!

OK, where was I?

A smile to me is the most beautiful introduction to someone's soul. I love being at my favorite store, restaurant, or even running path knowing that I will see familiar faces smiling at me. I did not use to smile a lot as a kid, as evidenced in the picture below (brought to you by my de-cluttering frenzy). I always looked serious... Not only that, but I also have this "thing" I involuntarily do with my eyebrows. It almost looks like I am frowning or pouting if caught off guard, when in fact, I am mostly just lost in deep thought.  A great example is the picture below... I wonder what I am thinking about....Hmmm. I actually look quite disturbed by something, angry almost. Wow!

Keep smiling my friends!

eed

Clutter

Sorry for the long silence, dear reader...

It has been quite a few frantic weeks, filled with lots and lots of clutter. My apartment has been cluttered, my desk at work has been cluttered, my brain has been cluttered... well, you get the point.

I am not sure how I let it get to this point. The past few months have been about trying to find the delicate balance between over categorizing every aspect of my life, and the slow stacking of events, situations and papers across my desk. When everything finally has a set place and there is nothing to put away, I feel this elusive sense of peace and relief, which often quickly fades away once I realize that I forgot to file an important document. I wonder if the delicate balance really represents happiness... I wonder if my life would be much simpler if I could somehow keep the delicate balance intact for more than a few months. 

Too many questions to think about.  A couple nights ago, I started decluttering my apartment one area at a time, one evening at a time. An evening in my closet reminded me of the long way I have come, an evening in my pantry made realize that I really do not like canned beans, an evening in my desk drawer brought back random childhood memories of me dancing around in my bedroom (which I still do to this day!).  And finally tonight, trying to think about what to declutter, I decided to try tackling my brain and write down all the thoughts, fears, uncertainties that have taken over lately. It felt really good. I think I found the sweet spot... for a brief moment at least! Wait a minute... I have been here before. Except this time, I am taking notes, categorizing each... never mind...

Maybe one day, I will learn... In the meantime, maybe some hot tea will help.

Good night, reader

EED